an interesting remark

so we were out having coffee, 3 friends chilling with good stuff in hand on a lazy Saturday afternoon.

somehow the topic invariably came to Malaysia and all the racist stuff that goes on. when Munis kinda puzzled with my views asked me "so will you go back" and i shot back "of course!" with Syaima explaining to him that me and ben were always hardcore Malaysians. That of course prompted his next question "Why do you still want to go back despite everything that's happened and all the injustice/discrimination etc" and this just came out from the depths of my being (so naturally that i myself was taken aback) "it's like when you fall in love with someone. no matter how bad they treat you, no matter how much of s*** they give you, at the end you still love them" i.e. you can't let go of them, because the bond that holds you is so strong - the bond of love

so anyhow, that short statement satisfied Munis, left Syaima bewildered and me half wondering where that came from,

yet half glad that i'm able to explain my inexplicable tie with Malaysia - negaraku, tanah tumpahnya darahku...

just a quick note to say all's not dead. as the last post illustrates, i'm done with uni. am currently busy straddling paperwork and the move, preparing to work in Jan, catching up with friends (old and new). not really in the mood to talk a lot now, maybe later. but until we meet again, Merry Christmas :D

Back to Base

it's the last day of back to base, last day of year 5, last day of medical school.

when i walk out of here, it'll be no longer as a student, but rather a member of the healthcare community.

after this all these familiar faces that surround me in the lecture theater listening intently to the lecturer, will not be so familiar. Half of us will depart for the land down under to begin work there, while the other half will be remain here. some will officially graduate in Dec, while others in March.

and yesterday unfortunate news bout a dear friend knocked on my door.

despite that very semangat-ed brave speech i wrote, the reality is i don't want to leave, don't wanna grow up nor do i want to say goodbye.

but the time has arrived to do so

going home for the weekend =)

am done with med school.

3 weeks into rotation 7, finished with extra dermato posting.

went home for the weekend. gosh i miss home so badly. i miss de home cooked food, miss the constant music from the piano, miss the love and warmth, miss the familiarity of places, miss the garden (though it's a tad overgrown atm, but it still gives me that rustic, other worldly feel, with the weather worn swing nestled btwn the leafy canopy)

on the other hand i'll miss JB. miss my med classmates (we've really become like a family, having each other for the past 5 years, watching everyone grow for better and for worse, we've had our share of squabbles, and fights, but we've also learnt to put aside our differences to work for the better good e.g. extension of deadlines in yr 2, rallying de faculty to reinstate the AUS$3500 grant in yr 4). will definitely miss my JB/COP family- God only knows how much i've grown and learnt within these past 3 years from them. and my heart aches knowing that it'll be some time since i see them again. everyone (from the adorable babes, hyper toddlers, quiet adolescents, angsty teens, and all my peers w strong characters. never have i had so many "siblings" from my big sis Shae Lynn, to brothers Tze Yang (python), Kah Yong, ah Ching (Edmund), and de darling babies JoAsher, Nathan, Marissa *hugs*

but coming back to home has made me realise some things:

1. the amount of travelling that i've done within the past 5 years - gosh, it's tremendous! moved places moved 3 times before this year, and 4 times this year alone
2. the bonds built up with close friends
3. the opportunities received (far beyond what i imagined)
4. there's still more to do, learn and live
5. fraility of life - Mr Nada (my tuition teacher) passed away yesterday. but this is for another post.
6. no matter where i go, what i do, i can always come home to rejuvenate, reconnect, and refresh myself.

though this time around, i was certainly taken aback by mum's decision to use my old clothes to cover the growing jackfruits from birds, squirrels, insects and goodness knows what. the sight of my old PJs and tshirts from a decade ago, certainly brought me to a standstill as glimpses of the years past flashed through my mind. sitting by the piano stool, twirling around, hesitatantly fingering the ivory and ebony keys, brought to remembrance the times when teacher June used to sit patiently by my side, her ever cheerful face wrought with exasperation/frustrations at my playing. but my debt of gratitude to her is huge for she taught me beyond the usual classical music, and demonstrated musical appreciation and arrangements. her style of teaching though unorthodox, certainly kept me in line, and i am what i am because she nurtured that gift along.

however the spot that raised the most memories, were the cool, well worn tiles by the window where i used to sit regularly be it on hot sunday afternoons, or cool post thunderstorm evenings, devouring a book in my hand. twasn't any different this time around. sitting there, gazing into the garden, towards the end of a cool shower, whilst loosing myself in fiction land, brought back that sense of satisfaction, a lil girl curled up in a good book, lost to time & space had, that sweet childhood happiness and joy, together with that confidence, that sense of security in her father's unfailing love.

funny how one visit back home starts you on all these different thought lines. but i'm glad i did =)